THE MASKS WE WEAR

"The Masks You Wear are the Masks of your Own Liberation"  was what I heard waking up one morning.  This one sentence holds so much truth in it.  

Here is a bit of my story and the "masks" I had worn for so long... 

It's 1988 and I am 6 years old.  I am playing in the woods behind my house with the Fairies, Elves, and Plant Spirits.  I have a tree house that has a deer's foot hanging up in it.  I play with my sisters and our animals (and let me tell you our parents put up with us having A LOT of animals).  I love it outside - the wind, the sun, the smell of the woods.  

My family camps at our cabin all summer long, and I am constantly in the woods.  I swim, play and take baths in the river.  I can remember washing my hair in the river and a snake floating by, but I wasn't scared because my Grandfather told me "don't worry, snakes can't bite you in the water" (which I believed for a LONG time).   Nature is where I feel at home. 

Fast forward 10 years and I'm putting on makeup, working out, and starving myself.  I'm taking diet pills because I believe I am too fat.  The world has shown me with magazines, TV, and school how I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to look like, and how I am supposed to act.  The world has molded me into this "happy" person, but yet I am depressed.  

Why do I not feel like myself?  Why am I constantly in anxiety?  Why does it take me 2 hours to get ready in the morning so I can look like everyone else?  What happened in the past 10 years that I don't remember all the beauty of the world?  What happened to me? 

Then a few years later I discover alcohol.  Alcohol would turn out to be my vice for many years, which only took me further and further into depression.  I was consumed by this spirit for many years to come.  As a side note - Alcoholic drinks aren't called "Spirits" for no reason.

I go to college, drink obsessively, and have this need to have a boyfriend.  All my friend have boyfriends and they bring them happiness, right?  I must act the way my boyfriend acts and be who he wants me to be so I will be loved.  I don't know who I am, so I'll just follow suit.   I'll get a great job, a nice house, and date because that's what people do.  

But wait - money isn't bringing me happiness & this guy I'm dating is just making me upset.  I decide that I must be broken.  I decide that I need to go to a psychiatrist and get on medication because I am broken and can't deal with life.  

The medication worked - I felt numb.  Nothing bothered me, yet I was still not happy.  The Disney characters always look like they are happy.  In Disney movies the lady always finds her Prince and they live happily ever after.  I just have to be a Disney Princess and that will make all my dreams come true.  But what are my dreams?  I didn't even know what I WANTED to happen in my life.  I didn't know what would bring me joy.

So I finally decide that I needed help, and asked Spirit to guide me.    

I expected some grandiose revelation.  I expected to see why I was this way and how I could fix it.  But instead Spirit just showed me myself.  I was forced to sit there looking at myself and my past 20 years of trying to fit in.  I was looking at how I spent 2 DECADES (wow that's hard to say) of my life in a fog trying to be somebody else.  

Spirit brought me back to that 6 year old girl in the woods.  Then Spirit asked me who I was.  I honestly didn't know.  Where had that girl gone?  

I was shown how Mother Nature never asked anything of me.  She never told me I should wear a certain color depending on the time of year.  She never told me I was too fat, or my hair wasn't the right shade of blonde.  The Spirits of the forest were there and never once asked for anything in return.  What in the world happened that I forgot all of that?  Who had I become?  

I had created an illusion that I was calling my life - but it wasn't my life at all.  It was the life of others, and wasn't the life I wanted to live anymore. 

I intentionally asked Spirit to help me find who I am, what I am here to do, and deprogram myself from the illusion that I had made. Looking back now I can see how I was covered up with energetic layers and masks.  

It didn't matter how hard I would try - I had so many layers built up around me that it was impossible for me to connect with my own True Self.

Why do we wear these masks?  Why do we let the world turn us into robots walking day in and day out being totally unattached to the beauty of the world?  Not the beauty in the stores or magazines, but the beauty of Nature, the Stars, and Mother Earth. 

I feel that I wore these masks to avoid being made fun of, criticized, or to bring any attention to myself.  I wore these masks to be "normal".  In reality all of these masks kept me away from my own light.  

It took time and many tears to start to remember.  It took deprogramming to remember who I was before the world told me who I should be.  

I recommend getting honest with yourself.  Take the time to ask yourself who you were and what you were doing when you were 6.  What brought you joy?  Then look at yourself now.  

So I ask the question - Do you know who you were before the world told you who you should be???  If you start taking off your masks, I promise you will find your own True Self staring back at you!

To read further on how to start removing your masks and how this brings us Liberation, see blog "Take The First Step".

Christy AuBuchonComment